Overhead Lighting

First day on the job, no resume, no school

Don't remember much before this morning, that's cool

They hired me for attitude, and attitude I got

Nothin' else to do, gonna give it a shot

Flipped on the lights, that's day one done

Let there be overhead lighting!

Watered the plants, set the AC on low

Place looked sterile, so I threw in fish below

Birds in the rafters, lizards on the wall

Fancy little lights to jazz up the hall

Pulled out one rib, made a little dude

Pulled his rib for a lady, now the place got a mood

It's my first week!

First week on the job!

Nobody trained me!

He never read the packet!

How hard can it be?

Real hard!

Amen!

Week two I clock in and the floor's a zoo

Everything's eating everything, the birds went feral too

One little dude with a sack at his side

Cuttin' little trophies with a tiny little knife

A hundred grisly tips and he's looking for more

Says he's gonna lay 'em out right on the king's floor

Loaning folks their own money at a generous rate

And they worship the man for it, they think he's great

I reach for the intercom, explain a thing or two

But I don't have the code, my clearance ain't come through

So I tried to make a deal with the collection man

He quoted me terms I could not understand

Had sheets full of rules, had text on the back

I said never mind, sir, enjoy your snack

Then the old collector punches out his clock

I see his little soul go scooting down the block

I reach for the pickup, that looks like a score

But my coworker's reaching too, been here since before

Red little smile and a briefcase grin

Says "new guy, that's my department you're standing in"

We posture and shove, but I let him take the haul

Hope I never see that stupid guy again at all

But I learned a thing

The souls... are worth points.

The souls are worth points!

THE SOULS ARE WORTH POINTS!

Can't just smoosh 'em, that's an HR case

So I leaned down to a fella with a manager face

Said "arrange me a departure," subtle and clean

That maniac grabbed his own son, you know what I mean

Then a note came down through the mail chute

Break room's started missing some heavenly fruit

Double check the policy and go to ask the snake—

OH NO, THAT GUY AND HIS SON!

Came sprinting down the stairwell, caught the blade mid-air

Both staring at me like, "what are you doing here?"

Said "Congratulations! It's a test! You passed the test!

Standard cool-guy test, you outscored all the rest!"

It's a test!

Absolutely standard, very normal test

It's a test!

And they went on home and had a salad

Hallelujah

Found a workaround: whispering poems to weirdos after dark

One guy left mid-sentence, smashed his brother with a rock

Not on me! But it showed me the lane

If they do it to each other, that's a different chain

So I found a fall guy with lots of time and a rope

Said "build me a big boat with a hull full of hope"

"Fill it full of animals," and Noah, bless his heart

Dumb as toast and twice as loyal, got started on the ark

Where'd he learn to build a boat?

Why's he got two ants in a jar?

Whole town said he's gonna end the world

Which was PERFECT—

'Cause I opened every faucet that the basement had to give

Then I figured quantity's a trap

Maybe one good soul can beat a thousand in the sack

That stone-slinging circumference slicer paid in fat stacks

Quality over volume, now we're back on track

So I built the masterpiece, deluxe edition man

Rib and brain and secret sauce, premium plan

Walking on the water, turning fishes into wine

Paraded him around the floor, lookin' pretty fine

When every eye was watching, crowd at the max

I wrote him off completely as a business move

WHAT?!

relax

You did WHAT to the deluxe man?!

Okay, the room got weird, I patched him up again

Good as new in three days, we're better off as friends

He was real understanding, for a guy who got destroyed

Moved out west with several wives, changed his name to Murgatroyd

Hallelujah?

It was my first week!